Day 30, To Thine Own Self be True

Practice: 2, Rehearsal: 6.  Non-playing class: 1.5.  With a total of 8 hours of playing today, it makes a lot of sense that a “day off” would be an hour and a half.  My how things have changed in a month!

Thoughts today, mostly during rehearsals: It can be tempting to forfeit all of the good stuff I’ve learned in practice (when the only music I hear is made by me) when I’m playing in an ensemble.  All of the “work” I do is when I’m alone and so it can be tempting to subconsciously think that it doesn’t apply or that it’s less important to remember when I’m part of a group.  I can lose myself in the group, and not in that wonderful Flow-like “one with the universe” kind of way, but more like I stop paying attention to my form and tone.  I slouch, my sound gets unrefined and attacks are less than beautiful.  It actually took some effort to really try to do all the good orchestra musician things of blending and keeping good ensemble while maintaining my identity and all of the standards I hold for myself.  I guess I’m not used to doing that.  The result was a different color and I felt like all of the unique lines that were in my part were much more “Eleanor” and soloistic than just “anonymous clarinet 2” or “bass clarinet.”  I think I like it that way.

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